From Charlie Joe Jackson’s Guide to Not Reading by Tommy Greenwald
Tips for not reading or explaining why reading is terrible are scattered throughout the book, but it was this list that made me laugh out loud (in a librarian kind of way).
IF YOU’RE FORCED TO READ A BOOK, MAKE SURE YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS.
To make sure you don’t get too invested in the characters or story of whatever book you’re reading, please remember these simple facts:
1. The characters aren’t real. (fiction)
2. You don’t know these people personally. (nonfiction)
3. They may well be dead. (historical biography)
4. They would ignore you in a restaurant. (sports biography)
5. What they’re doing could never happen. (science fiction)
6. There’s not way that awesome girl would fall in love that that dorky guy. (teen fiction)
7. There’s no way that skinny kid could strike out that huge kid. (sports fiction)
8. None of this will matter later in life. (math textbook)
9. None of this will matter ever. (science textbook)
10. Who cares? (pretty much any book ever)